Time passes - lives change! My life has been a true classroom for the past 16 months!
Lessons to follow...
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Friday, July 20, 2012
Explorations of Anger
January 25, 2012 was life changing in SO many ways!
Many feelings continue to rise up – today I am angry. I am not so much angry that I fell & that my arms & body still hurt, as I am with the painful awareness’s that keep coming up.
It is clearer to me now that certain directions I have taken in my life may not be as wonderful as I tell others & myself. It hurts to look at how addiction can mess up my focus…even after 25 clean & sober years from booze, etc.; people are still a BIG problem.
I find myself very uncomfortable with crowds (more than six is a crowd right now). The joyous awareness reached today is that I am not depressed or hiding, I just like being alone.
Many feelings continue to rise up – today I am angry. I am not so much angry that I fell & that my arms & body still hurt, as I am with the painful awareness’s that keep coming up.
It is clearer to me now that certain directions I have taken in my life may not be as wonderful as I tell others & myself. It hurts to look at how addiction can mess up my focus…even after 25 clean & sober years from booze, etc.; people are still a BIG problem.
I find myself very uncomfortable with crowds (more than six is a crowd right now). The joyous awareness reached today is that I am not depressed or hiding, I just like being alone.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
More Harmony
The miracle of Timing is amazing! Why my chiropractor chose to share great information about balancing energy in the body with me this morning, I may never really know. What I do know is the website she suggested was exactly what I needed to read through in order to help a friend struggling with her recovery and journey. This information was not to me to heal her, but to provide suggestions for her empowerment to heal herself as she reached out to her concept of a Divine Being.
There is a selfish pain when those I love are suffering emotionally or physically. The beauty of the universe is that each of us is here to be a catalyst for Universal Healing; not to be the Universal Healer.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Fear vs. Courage
Fear takes many forms. So many times, I have heard people say that the opposite of fear is faith; I am starting to think now that the opposite of fear is courage; courage and action. I found it hard the last couple of weeks to stay in action due to poor health. Today I took the action of turning on the computer and typing. Reaching out to others to share experience, strength and hope has been a subtle action but one that is been helpful beyond belief for me tonight. I know that each one of us has something to offer others regardless of where we may be in any given moment. I am so grateful for the strength and courage granted to me by Creator and the marvelous friendships of people I know in person or online.
Sharing our pain
Does it take strength or fear to publish our lives for the universe to hear? I am going with strength - strength from a Higher Power. Sharing our pain opens us to others inventory taking, ridicule & critism; but also the prayers & support of those that get it.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Fall Growth Spurt
Recent events have directed me to think about the idea common welfare as a way of deflecting the responsibility of taking care of myself, aka as dishonesty for me. It is so challenging these days to have a “safe place” to vent, share feelings and sort out our challenges. At least, that one does not have to pay an office call fee or co-pay if you are luckily enough to have insurance that covers quality mental health care. Meetings are a blessing, but right now only a starting place for me. Working with other drunks does keep me sober, but not necessarily sane. My sponsor directed “Cotton out of ears and in the mouth– it had been awhile since I heard that one!”
When I was at my rawest point in feelings of grief, I somehow betrayed myself by speaking my truths and releasing my pain sideways, only to feel attacked for doing so. I had the expectation of being understood and accepted for what I was NOT saying – the truth. Instead, all I shared was my anger, which most everyone took correctly as…anger! This resulted in more feelings of guilt and shame of me not being good enough, strong enough or stable enough. I walked dangerously along the trail inviting self-pity and depression; thank God for a letter our friend, Bill W. written in January 1958 – a year before I was born. As I re-read The Next Frontier: Emotional Sobriety, it could have well been addressed Dear Kate…
I was able to make amends promptly for lashing out strongly and being selfish, bringing about yet another time of new awareness has, as the amends process always does. If I want people to know I am in pain and need support, I say so – just because I tell them does not mean they can be there for me or provide that support. Time to trust Creator, sponsor and the closest friends that I know are here for me.
I was able to spend a day working with newcomers and sharing the truth of my new onion layer tonight in a speaker meeting. In speaking, I felt the release and forgiveness process completed once again. Recovery is such a gift; many blessings, miracles, triumphs, tears, bundled together with laughter and hugs.
When I was at my rawest point in feelings of grief, I somehow betrayed myself by speaking my truths and releasing my pain sideways, only to feel attacked for doing so. I had the expectation of being understood and accepted for what I was NOT saying – the truth. Instead, all I shared was my anger, which most everyone took correctly as…anger! This resulted in more feelings of guilt and shame of me not being good enough, strong enough or stable enough. I walked dangerously along the trail inviting self-pity and depression; thank God for a letter our friend, Bill W. written in January 1958 – a year before I was born. As I re-read The Next Frontier: Emotional Sobriety, it could have well been addressed Dear Kate…
I was able to make amends promptly for lashing out strongly and being selfish, bringing about yet another time of new awareness has, as the amends process always does. If I want people to know I am in pain and need support, I say so – just because I tell them does not mean they can be there for me or provide that support. Time to trust Creator, sponsor and the closest friends that I know are here for me.
I was able to spend a day working with newcomers and sharing the truth of my new onion layer tonight in a speaker meeting. In speaking, I felt the release and forgiveness process completed once again. Recovery is such a gift; many blessings, miracles, triumphs, tears, bundled together with laughter and hugs.
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