My eyes look on the New Year with gratitude and hope. Every year, I wonder how I will handle the holiday season, so I guess it is appropropriate to share how I did. One of the benefits of surviving a few decades in this life, is that I have faith that whatever is happening or I am feeling will change. As 'they' say in my circles: "this to shall pass". Despite my efforts, whether positive or negative, life changes. This simple rule has enabled me to trudge thru some challenging times, while pausing to enjoy the good ones a bit more.
So many years, the holidays have been spent in depression. No pity or sympathy needed from readers that may not know who I am. These depressions, combined with a deep desire to live and a awesome Guiding Spirit, have always resulted in growth. Prior to 1987, I endured (as did anyone that really wanted to be or had to be around me) during these dark times. I spent days to months hiding out and, to some extent, feeling sorry for myself. This self-pity served a purpose; I think I resisted suicidal action (most of the time) hoping someone else would show up to feel as sorry for me as I felt for myself. Just typing this now makes me smile - progress is good! Each depression since the Big One of '89, have only raised my level of understanding of myself. As I am reminded by a dear friend, I once stated "this is the best depression I've ever had" at one point.
This year can only be labeled as a "slump" that I am walking thru, again. With gratitude I can say that I am so much better off than many others. I have a roof over my head; a life and career that allow me to live my personal mission statement and share the vision of hope; plus a second job that covers my dental bills and time to pursue my passion of beading bracelets and more. It is amazing what just pausing a few times during the Christmas Season to mentally make a gratitude list did to help me thru the slump.
Sharing this with everyone or no one (as the case may be with this blog, eh?) is refreshing and revitalizing and allows me to sincerely wish all readers that may or may not be there: "Happy New Year and may you be blessed with fulfilling lessons that energize you with the strenght to trudge thru 2009."
1 comment:
Just read your posts, KT. Encourage to keep up on the writting, whether it be here, or journal, or? Will be passing your blog site on. The truth and transparency of my friends, are a treasure to me. Language of the Heart. Thank You, stay warm and know that we are in the right place. Love lots, beej
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