Saturday, May 22, 2010
Embracing the Darkness once again
Events of recent weeks have sent me reeling in reaction to others behaviors. Sometimes walking the path of recovery is challenging; which is the humbling part I suppose. Since much of my time is spent offering the suggestion to others to look at their side or their part first, I have been doing this. This introspection is leading me on quite a journey; familiar in many aspects, yet into deeper and darker territories of the self. I must express my gratitude for the love and guidance of Creator and my Guiding Energies. I am revisiting the book The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford along with my older writings as I realize the world is presenting me with another growth opportunity (shedding of a skin, removing a layer of the onion, etc) to embrace parts of myself and make better choices in my life.
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Anger and fear were my two emotions since my ‘tween years. Anger gave me the motivation that kept me in action and fear of not being in action kept me angry. After 10 or 11 years of AA, I found myself looking for something more than just life without the chaos of alcohol. I had survived 9 years of this chaos, thinking it more about others than myself, and left the comfort of my home group to return home to WY– discovering that the major portion of the insanity and unmanageability remained within me. I began phase II of my journey for balance and serenity; balance and serenity that was not imagined or fabricated from necessity for survival.
Such a relief to find I was not alone on my journey! From Co-dependents Anonymous, pg. 4: “We come to accept our inability to maintain healthy and nurturing relationships with ourselves and others. We begin to recognize that the cause lies in long-standing destructive patterns of living. This was such an understatement, yet the required beginning.
My continuing quest for emotional recovery is proving to be calming, fulfilling, painful and most of all enlightening. Despite the ten plus years since I started my journey, I find in times of challenged thoughts, I return to this phrase, no longer the starting point but the turning point once again…
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