Mirrors All Around Me

Never ceases to amaze me how Creator places growth opportunities at every turn; got to spend a couple of days with an individual that suffers from the same blaring open defects of arrogance, self centeredness and untreated codependency that I have dealt with in my life all too often. Must say, my patience ran very thin a couple of times! Pausing often, I asked myself “did I know how sick I was then?” Clearly not or my journey would have started then – ha! How grateful I am for those loving spirits that patiently redirected me & still do. I now ask for the patience & skill to apply towards this person as we will cross paths again soon. My emotional sobriety study is not a mistake in timing!!

Embracing the Darkness once again

Events of recent weeks have sent me reeling in reaction to others behaviors. Sometimes walking the path of recovery is challenging; which is the humbling part I suppose. Since much of my time is spent offering the suggestion to others to look at their side or their part first, I have been doing this. This introspection is leading me on quite a journey; familiar in many aspects, yet into deeper and darker territories of the self. I must express my gratitude for the love and guidance of Creator and my Guiding Energies. I am revisiting the book The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford along with my older writings as I realize the world is presenting me with another growth opportunity (shedding of a skin, removing a layer of the onion, etc) to embrace parts of myself and make better choices in my life.

Early Spring Awakening

I am finding myself finally pulling out of the darkness of a serious energy slump: this past week has brought an amazing turn in direction. I have the odd feeling that a door is slowly closing on aspects of my life, but there is no fear. I have the serene and secure awareness that there are several doors already standing open that I am being allowed to peer into! It is such a rush to realize Creator has removed the hallway and is right here helping me trust the process. I must express my gratitude for the gifts of intuition, channeling and insight I have been given; along with the loving support of my friends. There is no way I could be doing this alone.

challenge

Recent contact with an old friend from High School was quite refreshing. Time certianly changes things - most of all my view and acceptance. She commented that it was hard to cover 30 years in 300 words. Of course I had to try -
1978 we said it was great
1979 adult delusions began
1980 self sabotage!
1981 wanted to play house
1982 raging manic
1983 ditto
1984 ditto manifesting insanity
1985 insanity & chaos
1986 numbness & denial
1987 the crash
1988 poor me
1989 pity parties
1990 losses create insight/gain
1991 started showing up
1992 shock - kept showing up
1993 building life sucks
1994 reality bites
1995 realize I'm ok & not alone
1996 not the center of the universe
1997 time to allow change
1998 WOW change
1999 new spiritual insights
2000 control freak revealed
2001 ouch - painful growth
2002 settle for settling?
2003 one foot in front of the other
2004 life seems dull or real?
2005 WAKE UP!
2006 life on lifes terms
2007 REALITY
2008 must have darkness at times again
2009 to appreciate the light

April Showers....

Wyoming is emerging from the grays of winter to fresh showers and greening grass. Spring (acutally having the season of spring, I should say, as I missed the seasons while in AZ) always mixes my feelings. There is refreshment matched with feelings of introspection. Typical for me - no worries.

Times are challenging for many and I am practicing my guidelines for living to hopefully manage, but not control. I am looking forward to visits from my "less hardy" friends and family that travel south in our winter months.

Biggest Joy this past week: Mowing the lawn for the first time in 2009 and the being able to sit outside and work on my latest bracelet.

Friendships from Afar

I joyously listened to a message on my voicemail this afternoon from two very dear young ladies. A follow-up conversation helped catch me up on lives that continue to grow and contribute such worthwhile energy to this world. It is amazing what contact from others does for me. Another friend (from the same era of my life as the other two lively ladies) and I have been dialoguing recently also. It never ceases to amaze me of the similar life experiences we go thru. There is a great importance to nurturing the sisterhood for me today. Friendships are such a blessing! Thank you 85 for being you and living life to the fullest!

Ain't it funny how time slips away

Another month goes by; flies by, slides away, skips onward. My mind seems to feel it is important to somehow find a way to poetically express the passing of a measurement of time.

These past few days, I have found myself drawn back to a great book, recommended to me several years ago by an in-tune counselor. I was in what I consider to be, my third phase of seeking true life direction. The Dark Side of the Light Chasers (©1998 by Debbie Ford, Riverhead Books) began such a new phase in my journey and made such an impact on my life. I find myself returning to it often, as one may do to a true and honest friend that speaks the truth regardless of willingness to hear it. The pages hold clues and insights for me to discover and embrace when I am ready. Ms. Ford has an approach, a type of Guide to Me, which over the years has really allowed me to find and accept patterns. These patterns should be quite clear to me – I am sure others find them blaringly obvious. But I, being a true goddess of deception and denial, managed to keep them nicely disguised, mostly from myself.

Page 45 has once again opened up to me as I read “We project our own perceived shortcomings onto others. We say to others what we should be saying to ourselves.” Thank Ms Ford for the tools of redirection and Aho to Creator for blessing me with the spirit to accept the tools are here for me – not some other poor soul I think I am supposed to helping. Today, alas, I am the poor soul seeking direction. With a deep sigh of gratitude, I will close this entry and be still