October 6, 2010
I am so grateful to have the job I have today; was able to sit and listen to someone that was struggling with voices of fear that were sabotaging her job interview performances. I could really relate when she tearfully stammered, “It is like I know what they are thinking about me and they know what a lousy person I am, so why would they hire me?”
My years of addiction and codependency left me hollow. I know that similar voices to hers frequently assaulted me; I gradually learned those voices came from inside me, bouncing off every fear I have ever had. All those feelings I had as a kid; that I did not belong, no one liked me, I was fat, ugly….joined together to kick my, well, you get the picture if you are following this blog.
As I study emotional recovery, the power of Step 5 work – admitting to Creator, ourselves, another person the exact nature of our wrongs - it gets more clear to me that it is my feelings and impressions of my past that I keep holding against myself. The longer I beat myself up, the more alone and miserable I feel. In addition to being a hostage to this hopeless state of mind, I can be so self-centered I am certain that everyone else thinks the same way I do – so surely others detest me also. That odd twist of addiction/codependency that can keep me in powerlessness and unmanageability (aka miserable!) has now ceased more often than not – woo hoo! Sharing this with my sponsor in the beginning, others along the recovery path, the job seeker today, now with all of you – again sets me free.
Promise: We will know a new freedom and a new happiness.
2 comments:
I like it. I like it a lot. i am going to put this on my favorites and pay more attention. love ya.
I like it alot. your words of wisdom hit a soft spot in my soul. that takes a lot. love ya.
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