Recent contact with an old friend from High School was quite refreshing. Time certianly changes things - most of all my view and acceptance. She commented that it was hard to cover 30 years in 300 words. Of course I had to try -
1978 we said it was great
1979 adult delusions began
1980 self sabotage!
1981 wanted to play house
1982 raging manic
1983 ditto
1984 ditto manifesting insanity
1985 insanity & chaos
1986 numbness & denial
1987 the crash
1988 poor me
1989 pity parties
1990 losses create insight/gain
1991 started showing up
1992 shock - kept showing up
1993 building life sucks
1994 reality bites
1995 realize I'm ok & not alone
1996 not the center of the universe
1997 time to allow change
1998 WOW change
1999 new spiritual insights
2000 control freak revealed
2001 ouch - painful growth
2002 settle for settling?
2003 one foot in front of the other
2004 life seems dull or real?
2005 WAKE UP!
2006 life on lifes terms
2007 REALITY
2008 must have darkness at times again
2009 to appreciate the light
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
April Showers....
Wyoming is emerging from the grays of winter to fresh showers and greening grass. Spring (acutally having the season of spring, I should say, as I missed the seasons while in AZ) always mixes my feelings. There is refreshment matched with feelings of introspection. Typical for me - no worries.
Times are challenging for many and I am practicing my guidelines for living to hopefully manage, but not control. I am looking forward to visits from my "less hardy" friends and family that travel south in our winter months.
Biggest Joy this past week: Mowing the lawn for the first time in 2009 and the being able to sit outside and work on my latest bracelet.
Times are challenging for many and I am practicing my guidelines for living to hopefully manage, but not control. I am looking forward to visits from my "less hardy" friends and family that travel south in our winter months.
Biggest Joy this past week: Mowing the lawn for the first time in 2009 and the being able to sit outside and work on my latest bracelet.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Friendships from Afar
I joyously listened to a message on my voicemail this afternoon from two very dear young ladies. A follow-up conversation helped catch me up on lives that continue to grow and contribute such worthwhile energy to this world. It is amazing what contact from others does for me. Another friend (from the same era of my life as the other two lively ladies) and I have been dialoguing recently also. It never ceases to amaze me of the similar life experiences we go thru. There is a great importance to nurturing the sisterhood for me today. Friendships are such a blessing! Thank you 85 for being you and living life to the fullest!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Ain't it funny how time slips away
Another month goes by; flies by, slides away, skips onward. My mind seems to feel it is important to somehow find a way to poetically express the passing of a measurement of time.
These past few days, I have found myself drawn back to a great book, recommended to me several years ago by an in-tune counselor. I was in what I consider to be, my third phase of seeking true life direction. The Dark Side of the Light Chasers (©1998 by Debbie Ford, Riverhead Books) began such a new phase in my journey and made such an impact on my life. I find myself returning to it often, as one may do to a true and honest friend that speaks the truth regardless of willingness to hear it. The pages hold clues and insights for me to discover and embrace when I am ready. Ms. Ford has an approach, a type of Guide to Me, which over the years has really allowed me to find and accept patterns. These patterns should be quite clear to me – I am sure others find them blaringly obvious. But I, being a true goddess of deception and denial, managed to keep them nicely disguised, mostly from myself.
Page 45 has once again opened up to me as I read “We project our own perceived shortcomings onto others. We say to others what we should be saying to ourselves.” Thank Ms Ford for the tools of redirection and Aho to Creator for blessing me with the spirit to accept the tools are here for me – not some other poor soul I think I am supposed to helping. Today, alas, I am the poor soul seeking direction. With a deep sigh of gratitude, I will close this entry and be still
These past few days, I have found myself drawn back to a great book, recommended to me several years ago by an in-tune counselor. I was in what I consider to be, my third phase of seeking true life direction. The Dark Side of the Light Chasers (©1998 by Debbie Ford, Riverhead Books) began such a new phase in my journey and made such an impact on my life. I find myself returning to it often, as one may do to a true and honest friend that speaks the truth regardless of willingness to hear it. The pages hold clues and insights for me to discover and embrace when I am ready. Ms. Ford has an approach, a type of Guide to Me, which over the years has really allowed me to find and accept patterns. These patterns should be quite clear to me – I am sure others find them blaringly obvious. But I, being a true goddess of deception and denial, managed to keep them nicely disguised, mostly from myself.
Page 45 has once again opened up to me as I read “We project our own perceived shortcomings onto others. We say to others what we should be saying to ourselves.” Thank Ms Ford for the tools of redirection and Aho to Creator for blessing me with the spirit to accept the tools are here for me – not some other poor soul I think I am supposed to helping. Today, alas, I am the poor soul seeking direction. With a deep sigh of gratitude, I will close this entry and be still
Sunday, January 18, 2009
January Thaw in Wyoming
I have a great respect for Mother Nature; regardless of how "we" may complain, I feel She knows exactly what she is doing. Wyomingites are enjoying 50 degree weather this weekend and I am lucky enough to have a 3 day one to boot! Woo Hoo!!
My neighbors and I were sloshing thru the slush most of the day in our shirt sleeves; joking about working on our tans and getting the lawnmowers out. We all know perfectly well that this is the January thaw; more enjoyable and spectacular this winter due to the amount of snow and sub zero weather. We all laugh, knowing quite well that this is merely nature’s version of a few days reprieve as we will soon be back to winter that will most likely include an equinox storm to give us something to talk about; like the one in ’84.
Reminiscing about storms gone by and how we survived! The one in ’84 does bring back good memories, yet make be tired. There were 70 to 80 trucks stranded off I90 and the old Husky Truck Stop & Kozy Korner Kafe. A small 24 hour joint staffed only by the boss, one dedicated waitress and a host of truckers that seemed to enjoy themselves playing waitress and dishwasher. The winds howled and I had to call only for more hamburgers to be delivered from our local meat market; we were stocked up on everything else. The delivery was made by snow machine as the roads were buried under 5 to 14 foot drifts. By the third day, the locals were all snow machining, cross country skiing and snowshoeing in for lunch as we were the only place open. Exhausting, but exhilarating! Just one of my own winter survival stories; It is a fact: I am becoming my parents!!
Maybe that is why Mother Nature and Creator bless us with weather; to give us challenges to overcome by pulling together, laughing at our powerlessness and looking back in success and gratitude.
My neighbors and I were sloshing thru the slush most of the day in our shirt sleeves; joking about working on our tans and getting the lawnmowers out. We all know perfectly well that this is the January thaw; more enjoyable and spectacular this winter due to the amount of snow and sub zero weather. We all laugh, knowing quite well that this is merely nature’s version of a few days reprieve as we will soon be back to winter that will most likely include an equinox storm to give us something to talk about; like the one in ’84.
Reminiscing about storms gone by and how we survived! The one in ’84 does bring back good memories, yet make be tired. There were 70 to 80 trucks stranded off I90 and the old Husky Truck Stop & Kozy Korner Kafe. A small 24 hour joint staffed only by the boss, one dedicated waitress and a host of truckers that seemed to enjoy themselves playing waitress and dishwasher. The winds howled and I had to call only for more hamburgers to be delivered from our local meat market; we were stocked up on everything else. The delivery was made by snow machine as the roads were buried under 5 to 14 foot drifts. By the third day, the locals were all snow machining, cross country skiing and snowshoeing in for lunch as we were the only place open. Exhausting, but exhilarating! Just one of my own winter survival stories; It is a fact: I am becoming my parents!!
Maybe that is why Mother Nature and Creator bless us with weather; to give us challenges to overcome by pulling together, laughing at our powerlessness and looking back in success and gratitude.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
2009
My eyes look on the New Year with gratitude and hope. Every year, I wonder how I will handle the holiday season, so I guess it is appropropriate to share how I did. One of the benefits of surviving a few decades in this life, is that I have faith that whatever is happening or I am feeling will change. As 'they' say in my circles: "this to shall pass". Despite my efforts, whether positive or negative, life changes. This simple rule has enabled me to trudge thru some challenging times, while pausing to enjoy the good ones a bit more.
So many years, the holidays have been spent in depression. No pity or sympathy needed from readers that may not know who I am. These depressions, combined with a deep desire to live and a awesome Guiding Spirit, have always resulted in growth. Prior to 1987, I endured (as did anyone that really wanted to be or had to be around me) during these dark times. I spent days to months hiding out and, to some extent, feeling sorry for myself. This self-pity served a purpose; I think I resisted suicidal action (most of the time) hoping someone else would show up to feel as sorry for me as I felt for myself. Just typing this now makes me smile - progress is good! Each depression since the Big One of '89, have only raised my level of understanding of myself. As I am reminded by a dear friend, I once stated "this is the best depression I've ever had" at one point.
This year can only be labeled as a "slump" that I am walking thru, again. With gratitude I can say that I am so much better off than many others. I have a roof over my head; a life and career that allow me to live my personal mission statement and share the vision of hope; plus a second job that covers my dental bills and time to pursue my passion of beading bracelets and more. It is amazing what just pausing a few times during the Christmas Season to mentally make a gratitude list did to help me thru the slump.
Sharing this with everyone or no one (as the case may be with this blog, eh?) is refreshing and revitalizing and allows me to sincerely wish all readers that may or may not be there: "Happy New Year and may you be blessed with fulfilling lessons that energize you with the strenght to trudge thru 2009."
So many years, the holidays have been spent in depression. No pity or sympathy needed from readers that may not know who I am. These depressions, combined with a deep desire to live and a awesome Guiding Spirit, have always resulted in growth. Prior to 1987, I endured (as did anyone that really wanted to be or had to be around me) during these dark times. I spent days to months hiding out and, to some extent, feeling sorry for myself. This self-pity served a purpose; I think I resisted suicidal action (most of the time) hoping someone else would show up to feel as sorry for me as I felt for myself. Just typing this now makes me smile - progress is good! Each depression since the Big One of '89, have only raised my level of understanding of myself. As I am reminded by a dear friend, I once stated "this is the best depression I've ever had" at one point.
This year can only be labeled as a "slump" that I am walking thru, again. With gratitude I can say that I am so much better off than many others. I have a roof over my head; a life and career that allow me to live my personal mission statement and share the vision of hope; plus a second job that covers my dental bills and time to pursue my passion of beading bracelets and more. It is amazing what just pausing a few times during the Christmas Season to mentally make a gratitude list did to help me thru the slump.
Sharing this with everyone or no one (as the case may be with this blog, eh?) is refreshing and revitalizing and allows me to sincerely wish all readers that may or may not be there: "Happy New Year and may you be blessed with fulfilling lessons that energize you with the strenght to trudge thru 2009."
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